IDK

Life is an adventure and I have been lucky enough to get caught up in the craziness, but everything that has happened along the way is worth the read… and worth the wait, I hope.

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This summer I fell in love, ran a marathon, watched my best friend lose her mom, tried my hand at managing one of the busiest restaurants in Maine—and so much more. Like seriously where do I start?

How about with the fact that it’s been a little harder than I imagined sharing all of these amazing, fun, challenging, life-changing events with everyone.

Sometimes it feels like I’m always playing catch up. I know I need to be better at keeping people up to date as things happen,but I spent a good portion of my season saving drafts to my computer and asking myself why I want to do what I’m doing right now.

Here’s my predicament.

I have so many thoughts and ideas stored up here in this mess of a mind, that I don‘t know the best or most concise way to get them all out. Most of them come from personal experiences and lessons I’ve learned from being uncomfortable and figuring life out as I go—and some are hard to share.

A small obstacle I face when I’m typing up one of my ‘oh so wordy’ drafts is feeling like I’m not qualified to be lending advice or sharing personal stories in the first place. I don’t lean one way or the other about a higher power that is guiding my life, nor do I have a degree in psychology or any certificates that suggest I should be a life coach even in the slightest.

All I have are personal experiences and challenges that have opened my mind and my eyes to staying optimistic even during the toughest times—and a grateful heart that keeps overflowing with joy by appreciating even the littlest moments of happiness.

I don’t know if this is enough to be giving advice over the world wide web, but I do think some of my stories deserve to be told, some people might shrug them off but others might find exactly what they need.

Another problem swinging back and forth like a pendulum inside my head, is this silly idea of—why in the heck does anyone want to hear about what’s going on in my life anyway?

If you have ever lived with me or know me at all you know I don’t love posting to social media all the time and I think this explains a lot of why I’ve struggled to blog on a regular basis.

I haven’t ever jumped on the bandwagon that if you don’t post it to social media than it didn’t happen. I ran a half marathon last summer and completed my first full marathon this year and though I didn’t document every single training session the blisters on my feet and the joy of such an accomplishment in my heart were enough for me to know what I had done. Sorry but not sorry that I didn’t overload your news feeds with every detail of that adventure.

If I am being honest, I struggle posting blogs about my personal life sometimes because most of my followers especially right now are close friends, close family, and people who have watched me grow up. Let’s face it—sharing these embarrassing stories with the world isn’t easy but it’s even more awkward talking about personal issues when I know certain people will read about them.

When I write about my previous relationship most people who read this blog know who I’m referring to and never do I ever want to come across as saying the wrong things about people I previously cared about or care about right now. But this relationship taught me a lot about life and love and I think some could benefit from hearing about it.

I’m learning a lot in my new relationship, but I don’t need to bring another person’s personal life into the spotlight necessarily— but again learning to love and trust again has been such a growing process I’d love to share with others.

Don’t get me started on the challenge of writing about falling in love with someone and being open enough with myself and with that person that every word I write doesn’t catch them by surprise. Like, yeah sorry I felt like I was falling for him the third week I knew him—but it just is what it is you know? (Insert blushing face emoji here.)

Get the predicament?

It’s not easy writing about how happy I am in my relationship—even though I am not sorry for a second of this happiness—but knowing that some of the words I write could hurt people in my past is a hurdle I am learning to get over. It’s hard for me to write about my travels and my adventures sometimes because it feels like I’m boasting about how cool my life is and I never want it to be received as such.

The fact of the matter is that for me to explain some of the lessons I’ve learned and to talk about health and happiness and personal growth—I have to share the hardest stories, the happiest stories and the things that have helped me become who I am today.

If I struggle with this predicament so much, why in the heck am I doing this then? Great question. I know the things I share won’t be received well by everybody who reads them, and I know some people won’t enjoy every blog I publish, but even if it’s the same three people who find value in the words that end up in these blogs, or in the future its 3 million people that find something—even the smallest bit of happiness from these words, then that is why I’m doing this.

Take this as a disclaimer or take this as you will, but I want to continue to be open and transparent and share what I think has helped me get to where I am. And if you don’t like what I’m writing that’s cool, no hard feelings.

I’m ready to get back to sharing this amazing life I’ve been living with everyone.

Cheers to the good memories, the lengthy stories, and the depressing posts that taught me the hardest lessons. And here’s to the ones to come that relate to those few people who are just as confused about what life is supposed to be like as a twenty something year old in search of love, happiness, and adventure.